2009 Cleveland Browns...Rebuilding...Again.

I'm convinced that the Browns are stuck in a spiraling labyrinth of rebuilding, raising expectations, felling said expectations, and rebuilding again. It is an endless cycle which has consumed my life since 1999 and will continued to do so henceforth. Somewhere along this familiar path there are bright spots, coaching changes, GM swaps, and economic downturns. Oh yeah and the era of the "other sports team" in Cleveland. In the Browns' absence it was the Indians. In their new perennial mediocrity, it is the Cavaliers. However, that is life in Cleveland. It's like the mediocre looking girlfriend that you are in love with but aren't currently with because you still love having the flavor of the week. If that makes any sense.

With the trade of Kellen Winslow today, Eric Mangini has signaled that the team is once again in rebuilding mode. This is history repeated. After the 2002 season where the Browns made the playoffs under Butch Davis, they faced heightened expectations and a tougher schedule. That is tailor made for a flop. So what happened? The fans threatened to revolt and the team got another coach and began to rebuild. Two years after making the playoffs in a tough division! Two years! Anyway, this course of events should sound familiar to any of those who care.

I can't really put my finger on what the problem is here. It is unbelievable that one organization is so inept at putting together even a mediocre team. I mean the Redskins throw money at veterans as callously as Pac Man does at strip clubs, but at least they field a team that almost makes the playoffs. The Bills are just wracked by terrible coaching and the Buffalo curse. The Bengals just love to draft and sign criminals. The Browns really don't do anything wrong. They drafted two players who made the pro bowl within their first two seasons and put together an impressive offensive array in 2007. But when it came down to playing good teams that talent doesn't translate?

I mean its not that the better teams shut the Browns offense down or anything. They were just bad on their own. Edwards and Winslow forgot how to catch a ball and Anderson flat out aimed at the ground. What happened to the unstoppable aerial attack of 2007? Who the fuck knows? That's what I'm wondering. Is it a culture of failure and complacency? You'd think that a team at the mercy of its rioting fans would try to build upon a winning season and do better the next go round. No, they come to camp fat and have no full pads practices. They get decimated in the preseason by every team they play and write it off as "just the preseason."

Like I said before on this blog, the Browns need an identity. I don't care if we're the first team in the NFL with an openly gay quarterback. Just give us something that makes us the Browns. That's the only way I can see us breaking out of this sisyphian cycle of achieving mediocrity only to fall back down to sheer incompetence.

Why A-Rod Matters

Our nation's "pastime" has taken a severe beating this decade. The All Star Game fiasco, the Winter World Series, and, of course, the substance abuse scandals. The latter having done more damage to the reputation of the sport than the other two combined. Drug use famously sparked a debate in Congress about the state of Major League Baseball. Normally this wouldn't have been such a big deal but Congress probably should have devoted its resources to a couple of other things going on in the world.

The most recent superstar to take the tumble is Alex Rodriguez. It's been a pretty rough month for the guy. First Torre rips on him through a proxy in his tell all book. Now Sports Illustrated drops the bomb that he tested positive for steroids in 2003. Who knows if he's done them since then, but its safe to assume that he doesn't have the gumption to challenge the stricter drug testing policy put into place. But it was so long ago, why does it matter?

First, and most obvious, is that A-Rod's moniker has transformed into A-Fraud. His legacy of being the "pure one" is completely destroyed. I'm not sure many people like Rodriguez, but there's no question fans would rather live with his name at the top of the home run list. That was before the asterisk had been permanently tattooed to the back of his baseball card. ESPN had some interesting stats showing how every year outside of 2000-2003, Rodriguez never topped 40 home runs. Obviously the roiding gave him an advantage.

Second, this inevitably redefines what a superstar is. Is it possible to hit over 50 home runs a season? Without the aid of performance enhancing drugs? In the age of the raised mound and better pitchers? Albert Belle, Sammy Sosa, Brady Anderson, and Mark Mcgwire all did it. They were also all on something that is deemed illegal now. So the question becomes: what constitutes a superstar? Power hitting has become something associated with the lost generation of baseball from the 90s. Sure it is still revered but in the age of moneyball, renaissance talents like Hanley Ramirez, Curtis Granderson, Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins, and Grady Sizemore are going to take the place of the big bad power hitter of years past. The exposure of Rodriguez as a fake may very well catalyze a paradigm shift for what makes a star.

It is inherently unfair to retrospectively judge people for acting a certain way in the past that was condoned. But we do it. Especially in baseball. A-Rod truthfully did nothing wrong at the time he did it. If he were to get caught now, that's a different story. However, for some reason we have deemed to hold athletes to a different level than normal people. We can't be certain if drug use was condoned or even a part of baseball culture at the time.

Canseco states that about 80% of the players in the majors used some sort of performance enhancer. If this is true, then a young player such as Rodriguez, coming off signing the biggest contract in sports history, probably deserves a little reprieve from the strictest of scrutiny. I make no excuses for what he did, but given the culture at the time we should give the guy a break. His legacy is ruined and his image tarnished. He'll probably get booed a little extra everywhere he goes this season. Ultimately, he'll have to answer only to himself (and the Hall of Fame electors).

The Best Post Ever

I’m feeling a little bit of déjà vu here, but why is everyone rushing to proclaim this the greatest Super Bowl ever? Even if it was hands-down, the greatest Super Bowl ever, what’s the point of saying it? Can’t we just enjoy it for what it was? It’s like if your girlfriend/mistress asks you afterwards … “was that the best ever?” You have to say yes even if isn’t true, and even thinking about saying no will get you in trouble.

For starters, I’m not even entirely convinced it was the greatest Super Bowl. First of all, I’ve only seen a few of them (at least that I can remember in great detail) and I’m convinced that most of the people making these claims couldn’t give specific details about Super Bowl XXV or XIX any better than I could. Hell, I don’t remember details from last year’s game and I’m sure I thought it was the Best Ever at the time. Second of all, does no one remember that (aside from Harrison’s INT TD) this game COMPLETELY SUCKED for the first three quarters!?! How many damn holding penalties were there? And call me a purist, but I would have liked to have seen some exciting runs at some point in the game – there was maybe one running play longer than ten yards.

I’m not just saying this because I predicted the Super Bowl would be terrible, and I whole-heartedly agree it was a great, even terrific finish. But just because the last ten minutes were exciting doesn’t make it the best GAME ever.

Something we already knew, but...

Peter King is retarded. And lazy. Observe:

“I think I wish the NFL would stop using the Roman numerals. Call it Super Bowl 43, not XLIII. Who knows what XLIII is, and who will know what XLIV is next year? Is that 44 in Roman numerals?”

I happen to like the Roman numerals, and “Super Bowl 43” just looks cheesy. If you aren’t going to use the Roman numerals, why even bother? Just call it the Super Bowl. Maybe I’m just an elitist, but I’m pretty sure that most people know the Roman numeral system, or at least re-learn it every January. If I could learn it in fifth grade, it can't be that difficult. Traditions shouldn’t be stopped just because people are too stupid to understand them.

Worst Superbowl Ever

Yeah, I said it. And it hasn't even been played yet. But c'mon, we already know that this is going to be one huge load of shit. Honestly, if this game actually turns out to be decent, most people will go nuts and declare it a classic due to the dearth of expectations. The only thing good to come out of his "media week" are pictures of Jeff Reed and backup Steelers players with hot chicks in Tampa. Otherwise, as my esteemed colleague pointed out, I couldn't care less about Larry Fitzgerald Sr., Ken Wisenhunt's vengeance, or Hines Ward's messed up Asian knee.

Obviously I have a personal rooting interest against the Steelers in this situation. Being from Cleveland and knowing a ton of Pittsburgh folk makes me hate the Steelers more than anything in this world (A-Rod, Baltimore come close). However, what is worse is that the Cardinals are so crappy. They are possibly the worst team ever to make it to the Super Bowl. They won the worst division in the history of the NFL then beat three teams that for some reason shit the bed on those given Sundays/Saturdays. All in all, the Cardinals have very little chance of beating the Steelers.

So in my mind, I have already crowned my biggest rival the Superbowl champion. This is like thinking about approaching Marissa Miller at a bar and asking to buy her a drink. You've already rejected yourself in the fantasy before any affirmative action has been taken. And there is about a good a chance of me getting a response from Ms. Miller as there is the Cardinals beating the Steelers. This whole foregone conclusion thing really takes the wind out of the big game. Not to mention the 2 week recess and the nonstop media coverage dissecting everything from Mike Tomlin's Omar Epps likeness to the question of will Leinart ever return to the Super Bowl.

I guess the only option I have, and you should have, for Sunday is to get reasonably drunk and root against the Steelers. There is some solace in Pittsburgh losing to the worst Super Bowl Champion in the history of the NFL. It's like watching one of your friends bang one of the chicks from the Hills and thereby spiting Brody Jenner. You feel good for your friend, but you revel in the misfortune of Brody Jenner. Schadenfreude saves the day once again.

One Super Bowl Preview with a side of apathy

Does it make me a bad sports fan if I don’t care about the Super Bowl matchup? I know the league likes to have its two-week break between the Conference Championships and the Super Bowl, but the loss of momentum is pretty noticeable. Sure, the teams can get a little healthier. And yes, all the journos will have an extra week to dig up all those great stories we care so little about. Larry Fitzgerald’s dad is a sportswriter? Awesome! The Arizona coach used to coach at Pittsburgh, and now has a chance for revenge? Sweet!

The truth is that no amount of stories can make up for a crappy game. Last year’s game was a classic, but of the last ten Super Bowls only half have been decided by a touchdown or less. And even that doesn’t make it a good game. I consider myself a decently knowledgeable NFL fan, but I had completely forgotten that the Eagles had even played in a Super Bowl just a few years ago, so clearly not a memorable game. In retrospect, the only thing I remember is the “McNabb throwing up in the huddle” controversy.

Arizona is riding a nice wave of momentum, but I have to think that the extra week off is going to destroy that. Pittsburgh’s defense is clearly one of the best, if not the best, in the league, and I don’t see them getting shredded like Philly or Atlanta. Either way, this game is going to be a blowout. If Pittsburgh’s defense gets going, Big Ben will only need a couple of touchdown drives to salt away the game. If Arizona gets a few quick scores early in the game, the Steelers are screwed because they aren’t built to come from behind. So, with that overly simplistic analysis, I predict a blowout for one of the teams, and therefore, a crappy game.

You might think this is leading towards one of those “I’ll be more interested in the commercials than the game”, but no. And I hate those people. You’re really going to spend four hours to watch commercials? Unless you’re a girl and have to watch the game with your boyfriend/husband, don’t bother. Hopefully I’ll end up somewhere with free beer, and the night won’t be a total loss.

Why I Choose the Ravens

As a Browns fan this is probably the closest it comes to an Armageddon scenario in the NFL. The hated Ravens of Baltimore pitted against the evil Steelers of Pittsburgh for a chance at the conference crown. Somebody kill me know. This is like watching the Taliban fight Al Qaeda. Who should we root for? Or should we hope the powers that be somehow kill both sides? I'd prefer the latter but lets be realistic here, God doesn't exist. And I'm sure smiting the scourge of the AFC wouldn't be on his to do list if He did. Only sweet gods do that. Like Zeus.

So I'm gonna go ahead and choose the Ravens for this game. My motto is that you gotta pick a side and stick with it. Can't be waffling around like John Kerry when it comes to important decisions. But didn't Baltimore steal your team? Why yes, observant cocksucker, they did. But that doesn't stop me from absolutely loathing the frontrunning Steeler fanbase. At this point the zombie armies of yellow and gold are eclipsing Red Sox nation as the most annoying fans in the world.

Everywhere I go I see a fresh decal or pristine new Steelers jersey being paraded around like it was won in a battle to the death. Oddly enough there are a disproportionate amount of Hines Ward, Ben Roethlisberger, and Troy Polamalu jerseys. What happened to Jerome Bettis, Bam Morris, Neil O'Donnell, Kevin Greene, and Rod Woodson ones? OH YEAH, those guys never won a fucking Super Bowl!! So it dawned on me, these assholes are all freeloaders.

I refuse to believe that Pittsburgh, a small market surrounded by other NFL markets (Cleveland, Philly, Buffalo, Cinci) can muster up such national support. There just aren't enough people to explain the copious amounts of Steelers fans EVERYWHERE. Sure you can attribute it to the Pittsburgh diaspora, but that usually means that the people that left hated the place enough to actually move their asses out. I guess a Super Bowl victory brings out super fans in even the most self loathing person. "Hey I got this Hines Ward jersey two years ago and I love the Steelers! But I'll NEVER go back to that hellhole!" Fuck you Steelers fans.

The Ravens, on the other hand, have a very docile east coast suburban fan base that really doesn't give a shit about their team. They seem like they're at the stadium because its something to do (besides getting shot) in Baltimore. I guess the National Aquarium with its $30 admission fee doesn't seem so appealing in this economic climate. These fans wear purple camo. You really can't hate them that much, and trust me, I HATE the Ravens. I even urinated on M&T Stadium or whatever its called during a recent trip to that shithole. Also, Ed Reed is a monster. I can't help but root for him to lay out Hines Ward or pick off Roethlisberger for a 70+ yard TD.

I hate myself.