Teams I Love to Hate

I was walking around New York City today enjoying the sun blocked view of skyscrapers and extra hot chicks, when I saw a contingent of pasty white freckled kids wearing Red Sox gear approaching. Obviously I was toting my Indians cap and feared being outnumbered by 6 Masshole gingers with nothing better to do than kill a minority or two in the name of Red Sox nation. So I kept walking, and one of them stops me and says, "Hay, good ghame lahst noyht." This was after the extra innings debacle that the Indians managed to win. So we exchanged pleasantries and went or separate ways. This doesn't change the fact that I still hate the Red Sox and most of their goddamn fans.

Yankees:

This one is legitimate hate. It isn't really even for the team either. Although, Posada and A-Rod can each eat a huge dick and go to hell. The fans are what really get to me. Who the fuck calls scoreboard and "26 championships"? What a bunch of shit. I mean you were alive for, what, like 4 of them? Fuck you and your 26 championships. You are living through the age of exorbitant spending, 14 consecutive playoff appearances, and have a captain who can bang any chick he wants. And you have the nerve to call 'scoreboard' when you lose? HA. Pathetic. This is exponentially worse when people who have no connection to New York are Yankees fans. Hey LeBron...yeah you know what you can eat.

Red Sox:

This is at the level of Yankees hate. They went from loveable underdog to deplorable superpower in about 2 minutes. Yeah I was rooting for them in that ALCS comeback, and yeah, I still love Manny Ramirez. But I hate girls and guys who are part of "Red Sox Nation" only because of that comeback and resulting championship. If your pansy ass couldn't gut it out through the shit, then you have no right to call yourself a fan during the good days. Granted, the fans in Boston are loyal, but its the outsiders that really get to me. They are wannabe Massholes who are obnoxious and try to fit the stereotype of Red Sox fans. This is ridiculous. It's like if people wanted to be like scumbag Italian kids from the Jersey Shore. Who does that? Douchebags.

Chicago White Sox:

AJ Peiewraoe-whatever his fucking last name is. Did you know this guy kneed a trainer in the balls after being hit by a pitch in the nuts? Why, you ask? Because the trainer asked him "How do you feel?" What a fuck. Plus those two hillbillies who ran out and beat up an umpire really do wonders for this team's image.

Ottawa Senators:

I'm relatively new to the hockey scene, but I'll tell you this: I will kill Ray Emery for free. This guys is a class act, let me tell you. Always has a little smirk on his face and always pokes his stick out there to trip the forwards. I mean, how can you like a guy who paints Mike Tyson on his helmet. Actually, that's when you know you probably hate the motherfucker. He's not it though. Daniel Alfredsson looks like a fucking fraggle, and Dany Heatley murdered some poor guy while driving his luxury car at some ridiculous speed and got into a wreck. What a bunch of fucks. If hockey were more popular, the Senators would be reviled.

The New Jersey Nets:

Jason Kidd has a humongous head, Richard Jefferson has fucked up teeth, and Vince Carter is probably everything that is wrong with athletes today. They are all babies and whine at every foul. On top of it all, they don't know how to play defense. Any team that has Mikki Moore playing a significant role and is as cocky as the Nets goes immediately into the fucking hate zone.

The New York Giants:

Eli Manning has the burden of being Peyton Manning's brother. And with that burden comes the Manning hate. But Eli's hateability doesn't just stop there. He passed up the prospect of playing with LT and the Chargers so he could play with the Giants. The Giants at the time were running a platoon at tailback and had no offensive weapons besides shockey. I'm sorry but Ike over the Hill-iard is no Plaxico Burress. And that's not saying much. Pee-Li just obviously wanted the limelight of being in New York. Too bad he can't handle it. Also, kudos to Peyton for playing in a small market and winning. It's a lot better than playing in NY and losing.

The Knicks:

Isiah Thomas. I'll also kill him for free. Enough said.

That's enough rage for now. The Indians are about to play and I have about 15 minutes to get some good karma going.

Let's talk about the Bills!

Two days later and I am not fully prepared to talk about what I witnessed first hand Monday Night. However, I am hoping this will be a cathartic experience, so here goes:

I am not going to talk about the Xs and Os except to say that the offense was putridly coached. If I was a player, I would feel absolutely let down by my coaches. This effect is already apparent by Lee Evans recent thoughts on the quarterback "controversy" in Buffalo. In Evans' opinion it should be J.P.'s job. However, last I checked Leave it to Lee is not a coach. Does anyone think that Peyton Manning comments on Tony Dungy's depth chart? Lee has exhibited what many Bills fans are as well...absolutely no faith in their coaching staff. When you are a team as talent starved as the Bills your coaches simply cannot be responsible for 2 losses. Amazingly, the Bills should be 3-2, instead they stare at 1-4 and another year without the playoffs.

Driving home with my disgruntled friends we listened to Dick Jauron's press conference with hope that Dick would recognize that he was an idiot for calling a pass on third down in the fourth quarter, in the red zone, with a rookie quarterback, after Marshawn had just broke one for 10+, when a field goal would put you up 11 points, and to show that he learned from the last time the Bills called a pass on third down when they just needed to run out the clock (the no time remaining loss to the Broncos). Unsurprisingly, Dick defended his call to universal groans from the dejected, dispirited, and completely crestfallen Bills faithful. My second major hope from the press conference also did not come to fruition, and that was for Dick to simply say, "We are who we thought they were," and simply walk out, drive to his Alma Mater Yale, and go read some books on sucking at life. I mean seriously look at him.

In all honesty, Bills fans should take a step back and appreciate that we put on a great show for a national audience. Everyone thought the Bills were going to get whipped, but they showed a lot of spunk. Hopefully, it wont be another 13 years before Monday Night Football returns. I know that is loser talk. Part of the "great show" the Bills put on was losing in a way only the Bills and Arizona Cardinals could pull off, but still, at this point I'll take pretty much anything for the national media to notice the Bills.

Other things on my mind:

- Is there anything worse than people at the gym that just stack 45s on the leg press machine? These people think they look cool with their big stack, but they are pathetic and too pussy to do squats like a real man. I'm sure if questioned they would give me some shit about their knees being bad NEWS FLASH doing 14 plates on leg press probably not the best idea then.

- Why does ESPN continually blow Tony Romo? His overexposure is nauseating. He is famous for dating that blonde girl, fumbling an extra point, and now throwing five picks on Monday Night. If he was playing for the Kansas City Chiefs nobody would care about Romo.

- I don't understand why it is Joe Torre's fault that the Yankees lose. How does he control Wang imploding, or Jeter and A-Rod's plate problems? Perhaps the Yankees do need a change, but the Indians series did not come down to Torre keeping a pitcher in for too long, or juggling his lineup in a strange way, it came down to the Indians being a better team at that point in time.

The Yankees Lose, Torre Might Get Fired, A-Rod Chokes Again!!! Oh Yeah, and the Indians Played Last Night Too

The Death Star (2.0) has exploded, the Empire has fallen. Goliath has fallen face first into the sand of the Valley of Elah with a stone in his forehead. The Spanish Armada has capsized in the stormy waters of the English Channel. Ok, enough with the pretentious historical metaphors. The Indians won last night, in what could possibly be the final death knell of the most current Yankee dynasty.

However, judging from the gigantic headlines across the Internet and newspaper's sports section, the Yankees are seemingly on the verge of imploding for no reason. Every story focuses on the struggles of Alex Rodriguez and the prospect of Torre getting canned. Don't even get me started on the possibility of Tony LaRussa managing the Yanks. He couldn't even handle the press in St. Louis. Anyway, the Yankees had a great season coming back from 14 down to get a spot in the playoffs despite being deeply flawed (more on that later).

I understand that the press prints what will sell and attract attention. Obviously, the Indians beating the Yankees is not at the top of that list. But it's the truth. The Indians proved that they are the better team in this series. They pitched, hit, and managed better than the Yankees. They made the big plays and knew what they had to do. And they deserve a little credit for their performance.

The one sequence that really sticks out happened in the top of the 9th during the Game 2. After Joba gave up the tying run with a wild pitch, which Chip Caray the etymologist explained was due to the bugs, Carmona came out in the same conditions and set the Yankees down. When Abreu stole second with 2 outs and with first base open, the Indians chose to pitch to Rodriguez with the game tied. This was a gutsy call on the Indians' part. And Carmona responded by throwing that filthy sinker for a swinging strikeout. The Indians made a statement right there challenging the Yankees and showing that they weren't scared.

In fact, the Yankees were the ones that seemed to play scared. They were tight at the plate and unsure on the mound. It didn't help that they Indians lineup was incredibly relentless in putting runners in scoring position and scoring with two outs. Their bullpen came out and shut the Yankees down when needed. Honestly, the Yankees were fortunate to come out of that series without being swept. But their offense was bound to explode at some point during the series (explaining game 3).

I know a lot of New York fans really preferred to see the Indians rather than the Angels due to the Yankees poor record against the Halos in the recent past. However, I think that Yankees fans should have counted their blessings that they made the playoffs in the first place.

Their starting pitching has been average at best and they have been injury plagued. Wang, who is their staff ace, would be a number 3 at best on any other contender, and possibly a number 2 on most other AL teams. If you think that is a bold statement, remember the Orioles and Rays (the AL East basement) have Bedard and Kazmir respectively. Their offense can feast on the bad pitching of the AL during the regular season, but, as apparent in this ALDS and last year's, cannot produce in tight situations against good pitching. Their bullpen is nothing without Joba and Mariano. Honestly, Joe Torre did what he could with what he had.

And the Indians proved that money alone cannot build a winner. It takes building from within, a sound team philosophy, and wise investing. So please, give credit where credit is due. The Indians beat the Yankees. Accept this. It makes it much easier.

Lebron Likes the Yankees, Cowboys, Manchester United, The Empire, Ivan Drago, Spanish Armada, Xerxes, Goliath and Picks the Celtics to Win the East

If there is anything I hate more than TBS' broadcast of the MLB playoffs, it is a frontrunner. He was the kid in middle school that wore Cowboys or 49ers gear on spirit day. Or every girl that doesn't know anything about sports and loves the Red Sox and/or Yankees (depending on who's winning). For every girl that knows something about sports and support your home team, you are 100% more attractive than those other chicks. Trust me, there is nothing more attractive on the shores of Lake Erie than a girl in Indians/Browns or Sabres/Bills gear.

Last night, Lebron James showed up to the Indians-Yankees game wearing a Yankees cap. I understand that Yankees caps are in style nowadays due to the immense popularity of hip hop culture blah blah. Fine, I'd accept that. But then thrift store blazer wearing Sager interviews Lebron and gets him to say that he's been a Yankees and Cowboys fan since he was a kid. Are you fucking kidding me?

Lebron James grew up during the 90s in the shadow of Cleveland. The Indians were a juggernaut in that time period. They were 1 of 2 teams that represented the AL in the World Series from 1994-2000. And he has the nerve to be a Yankees fan? It's not even like he was a Yanks fan in the 80s. He explicitly admitted to being a "huge fan of Derek Jeter". So what? You started following the Yankees in 1996? Yeah you're a real fan. Fuck you. You are like every other douchebag that gets your ass kicked at the Jake annually while the cops watch and then get arrested because you are a frontrunning dipshit (seriously, this happens here).

As if that wasn't enough, this asshole goes on and claims to be a Cowboys fan. I really have no hatred for the Cowboys because I lived in Dallas in my younger days. But guess what, I was a Browns fan when they were putting up 3-13 seasons in the early 90s. And honestly, what other team screams frontrunner more than the Cowboys? Especially if you grew in the 90s. No other team, that's who. I mean this guy grew up 30 miles from Cleveland and in the backyard of the Pro Football Hall of Fame and he becomes a nutless Cowboys fan. What a fake fuck.

This is what it comes down to. People in Cleveland love their sports teams and are extremely loyal. What Lebron did was slap the collective face of a city that has shown him unconditional support since he was a high school phenom. He always emphasizes how badly the city of Cleveland needs a championship. Then he shows up at an Indians playoff game supporting the team that we love to hate. The best part about the whole thing is that people in Cleveland want a World Series ring about 100 times more than an NBA title.

I vow to hate Lebron from this moment forward. But my support for the Cavs will be limited to the team and probably Boobie Gibson. Lebron has lost a lot of respect from Cleveland fans in the past couple of days, and that's fine by us. It's one thing for him to like the Yankees in private, but showing up at the game and providing a nationally televised interview espousing that view sacrificed the loyalty of his home fans for the admiration of whatever demographic he was catering to. It shows that his loyalty is to himself, his money, and nobody else. Everyone knows athletes are like this, we aren't naive. But most athletes are smart enough to be discrete about it. Apparently Lebron thinks he transcends that.

Skip Bayless wrote a couple years back that Lebron is concerned about his image more than anything else and that his will to win is driven by this worry. He even went so far as to say that Lebron wants to shed his origins and disassociate himself with the area. I gave Lebron the benefit of the doubt, but Skip is right. Lebron dances to the tune of the masses and, frankly, he can dance all the way to New York. He won't amount to anything more than an A-Rod. A big time sellout who will probably cave under the weight of the big city lights. So go flash that dynasty sign, eat a dick, and be prepared to get batteries thrown at you when you play in Cleveland for whatever big city team you cower to.

Philadelphia Phillies Final Out to win NL East Division 2007

I don't really know what to write about the Phillies. To be honest, I don't even know where to begin. For those of you who question Philadelphia sports fans, take a look at this video. Pay attention to the crowd when they announce the Mets loss and the final K. It gives you goosebumps watching it.

The National League is Alright

Fine. I'll admit it. Through the amazing technology known as the Internet and MLB TV, I watched more NL games this past weekend than AL games. I guess one of the advantages of having "parity" is that it provides for great closing weekends.

Let's start out with the Phillies. What a comeback. I truly am sorry Mets fans, but your team had a 500 to 1 chance at not making the playoffs. But who knew that the Phillies would go on some remarkable two week tear of the NL. Everything just clicked for the Phillies and there's nothing you can do about that. Except maybe win games you should win. The Mets only really have themselves to blame. I mean yesterday was a playoff game, and the Mets played like it was the last game of a lost season. Tom Glavine hit Dontrelle and threw a ball into left field with men in scoring position. They played like they wanted to go home. Contrast this to Jimmy Rollins unilaterally creating a run in the first inning. Teams going in different directions.

And how about those Rockies? It seems like they've won a million in a row and are hitting the leather off the ball. Now these guys found a way to win when they needed to. In what amounted to a pitcher's duel, the Rockies scored first in the 6th. Only to give it up in the 7th. But then they came back and put up a 3 spot in the 8th. One game playoff? Awesome. It's NL Cy Young Jake Peavy against the Dragonslayer (his nickname, seriously) Josh Fogg in the thin air of the Rockies.

Not as sweet as a 4 way tie would have been, but hey, I've known for a while that god doesn't exist.

Tom Jackson is an Idiot

Tom Jackson was just asked to explain why the Bears and Chargers were 1-3 on today's Sports Center. And far from giving his usually long winded, borderline retarded response, he basically answered with an "I don't know". I mean why is this guy on the show anyway? All he really does is make me throw things around my apartment in frustration of his stupidity. At least Michael Irving makes me laugh. Jackson adds nothing to the show.

Plus, if he had read B-Rad's post last week regarding how the NFL scheduling process affects teams' records, then he could have answered those questions. I'm only assuming this because I'm too lazy to do an analysis of the Bears' and Chargers' respective schedules.