Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Completely Unbiased 2008 Baseball Predictions

Spring training is here and that means a couple things are about to happen. The weather is going to get warmer, the chicas are going to bust out the smooth legs, and the greatest sport ever will be starting up soon. Yeah I said it. Greatest. Sport. Ever. You know why the first fiscal quarter is projected to be so horrible? Probably because everyone is researching fantasy sleepers and putting together draft strategies. On top of that, they are probably watching free spring training games on MLBTv. That's what Philly QB and I did during law school. Look at us now. We're not deadbeats or anything. Anyway, lets see how things will go down this baseball season.

AL Central

The Cleveland Indians are the team to beat this season in all of baseball. Two Cy Young candidates and a lineup that underachieved last year due to the statistical absence of Travis Hafner will break out this year to create baseball's best run differential in 2008. They should win about 100 games and cruise into the playoffs by early September.

The rest of the division is complete garbage. The White Sox have nothing but bums in their starting rotation and had the worse offensive output last year. So forget them. The Twins have nothing without Santana and Torii Hunter. They're pretty much fighting off contraction again until they inexplicably rattle off 3 division championships in about 5-6 years. The Tigers are afflicted with Mets syndrome. The more money they spend and big name players they get, the worse they perform. Its a sad thing but the Tigers will probably end up losing 110 games this year due to the "star power" they attained in the offseason.

The AL East

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays will rise to the top of the East with 94 wins this season due to an influx of excellent young pitching and position players. Seriously, the Red Sox will break down because they are all on roids and old. I'm looking at you David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, and Dustin Pedroia. But through sheer shittiness by the Yankees and Orioles, the Red Sox should still get the Wild Card.

The Yankees are overpaying for untested arms, an aging captain, and possibly one of the most reviled superstars in recent history. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention Posada and the rest of the deadbeats who put up mediocre numbers and get paid all star salaries. I say 79 wins for the Yanks this year. I'm just going to pretend that the Orioles moved to Japan and not talk about them.

The AL West

The Angels will win the West. I think thats all that needs to be said. They can probably get into the playoffs with about 69 wins from this shit shack of division. Even if Torii Hunter crashes into those rocks in center field and gets killed - not a problem.

The NL East

This division is fucking awesome. Last year's collapse by the other New York team really caught the attention of...well...ESPN...I guess. Anyway the Mets Syndrome will strike again. They'll overpay for another superstar and somehow manage to get worse. Santana will get the Mets to be within minutes of reaching the playoffs instead of hours. But in the end the Phillies with superman Jimmy Rollins will prevail because thats what they do. Entice their fans with an exciting late run and flop in the playoffs. Usual Philly fare. Braves suck, Marlins suck, and Nationals are total shit.

The NL Central

I really don't know much about this division except that I drafted Brandon Phillips in my fantasy leagues last year and kicked some ass. But the Reds sucked and there isn't much going on in Cinci to make that change. The Cubs are eternally awful and suffer from the Mets Syndrome. It could honestly be called the Cubs Syndrome but I hate New York sports teams more than Shit-cago's. Who else is even in this division? Oh yeah, the Brewers. They are my pick. They just have too much pedigree in Prince Fielder and Tony Gwynn Jr. to be bad. Throw in some Rickie Weeks and decent starting pitching and welcome to October! What about the Astros, Cards, and Pirates? Yeah, what about them?

The NL West

Picking a team to win this division is like trying to pick the prettiest chick from a group of beat up uglies. I mean, there isn't much here. Traditional logic would say that the Dodgers pay too much to suck, but they continually underachieve. The Rockies went on a historic tear to get into the playoffs last year and there's no way they can keep that pace for a 162 game season so lets throw them out. The Padres play in a park that is a hitters graveyard/Cy Young factory. No Bonds means no wins for San Fransisco. So I guess I'll go with the Diamondbacks. They had a negative run differential last year but still managed to put up 90 wins. How the fuck does that happen? Who knows, but it did and all that matters is that the youngsters can win.

Note: There will probably be actual division by division breakdowns coming incrementally as spring training progresses.

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