Sebastian Telfair Wants You to Watch His Last Years of Life

Hey! The NBA season is starting on Monday!

If you're like most people, myself included, you probably didn't know this until a few days ago. All I knew was that I hate the Red Sox ("The Nation") and the Browns are 3-3 with a chance at 4 wins. Anyway, I just don't really care about the NBA season. Compounded with the fact that I hate LeBron, this NBA season holds absolutely no appeal to me. And I'm sure most people feel this way.

This league has transformed into a sham in the past few years. Everyone is a pampered brat with a some sort of fucking destiny. Sure there are the standout players like Kobe, Wade, Dirk, Nash, and Garnett. But that's just the problem. Aside from Kobe, these guys have no personality. The NBA used to thrive off players with flair, gusto, and a passion for the game. Just think of the heroes of yore that have transcended basketball: Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, the Bad Boy Pistons, Clyde Drexler, and the list goes on.

Now we have players that the fan base can never relate to and seem twice removed from. Sure they can get into the stands and kick your ass, but that's it. They go to strip clubs and fire guns in the parking lot. They start rap production groups and launch unbelievably bad singles. Micahel Jordan was human because he had a gambling problem. Magic banged a chick and got AIDS. Larry Bird looked like your average 80s high school gym teacher. Now we have dipshits like Carmelo who appear on ghetto DVDs that talk about killing snitches. Or Sebastian Telfair who has only been caught committing half the crimes that he's actually probably been involved in. Who the fuck does these things?

The fact that there are a lot of players coming in after one year of college does nothing for whatever positive image the NBA has left. These kids are immature and can't handle themselves with any sort of dignity. In fact QB Eagles and I would be surprised if Sebastian Telfair made it to age 25. I wonder what the Vegas odds are on that. Probably not very good.

And the NBA doesn't do anything to help these kids out. Sure they have their rookie conference to teach them about groupies, not getting AIDS, and staying away from drugs. But, really, who cares about them. All the NBA is doing is limiting its liability if and when one of these prodigies gets caught doing lines off a hooker while having unprotected sex with a groupie. "Hey we told them not to do this, but these fuckups went ahead and did it anyway." The point is, it doesn't change the fact that these kids get fellated by coaches, scouts, and sneaker companies when they hit 8th grade. It's all about them from the start.

In short, this league is fucked. Between the problems that immature players bring with them and that disastrous referee scandal last year, this league is on the verge of collapse. Sure basketball is popular around the world and unbelievably so in China. But at home the NBA is dying. What's even worse? Nobody cares. Maybe David Stern will wake up and do something about this mess. Hopefully this shit will be watchable in the near future so I can care just in time for LeBron to cower to a big market and fail. But the odds are he'll be involved in a point shaving scandal that dooms the NBA to that place behind the NHL and sort of in front of MLS.