You Will Be Known Henceforth as the Pittsburgh Gay Steelers

Or, simply, "the Gay Steelers." Honestly, how does one team remain mediocre every year and still get the status of AFC powerhouse? It is unbelievable to me. They always make the playoffs and always bust. Their only solace comes in their Super Bowl win two years ago that was riddled with lucky plays and controversial officiating. And even that was the result of a fucking gimmick play that turned out to be a "genius" call from Cowher. Give me a break Gay Steelers, you win because the entire city of Pittsburgh sold its collective soul to the devil (or Hillary Clinton, take a pick).

And if that weren't enough bullshit, Roethlisberger continues to flop in the playoffs and still gets the title of "big game quarterback." Let me tell you something, going 9 for 21 for 123 yards, no touchdowns and two picks is hardly the stat line you'd expect from a supposed "big game" quarterback. And that was in the Super Bowl! Shit, Jake Delhomme played five times better in his appearance against the Fascist Patriots (who are better than the Yuppie Seahawks)!

How does everyone forget that Willie Parker was the real bus that carried that team to the Super Bowl. He even had 100 yards and a TD that game! And he's the only reason the Gay Steelers are even good this year. Even though he ruined my fantasy team by breaking his leg championship week, he's still a respectable player that goes out there and takes it to the defense. He sets the tone for the Gay Steelers. He undoes the mess Shrek Roethliswhatever makes with his happy feet and poor decisions.

Last night was the quintessential Gay Steelers football game. They go down in the first half big because Shrek is a fucking oaf who makes terrible passes and stares down Hines Ward/Santonio Holmes so that Rashean Mathis can pick off his passes. But then Del Rio, in all his pleather jacket glory, starts playing the Browns Prevent scheme and the Gay Steelers get back into it. Roethlisfucker starts checking down and completes like 45 consecutive dump offs (thereby explaining his inexplicable QB rating) to the running back and the Gay Steelers march down the field.

Now this is when the Gay Steelers really earn their right to their new name. On a third and long Del Rio calls for a safety blitz on the left side. Somehow, Roethlisberger sees this and figures he should pass it to Santonio Holmes on that same side. Holmes makes the catch and sprints into the endzone. Then he proceeds to talk shit being down by two scores! Hey, Gay Steelers, you can't taunt when you are down by 17 points in the third quarter at home in a wildcard playoff, you stupid fucks.

The Gay Steelers defense is a huge part for their success, I will acknowledge that. They aren't afraid to bring the heat even when they are down. That's admirable and the Super Bowl Jags really faltered in the second half when LeBeau starting blitzing that Samoan guy every play.

Then the offense turns into the Kim Jong Ward show. That little half Korean bastard starts catching everything his way and taunting the DB. Now, unlike the rest of the nation, I do not respect Kim Jong Ward. In fact, I think he's one of the dirtier players in the league. And I'm glad that the entire country got to see him grab that face mask in the end zone to get that interference call. Thats how that dirty little bitch does. I see this little fuck twice a year and he pulls the same shit every time. I was really hoping that the Super Bowl Jaguar's DB broke his knee on that one tackle in the end zone. Seriously, I would not have felt bad.

Anyway, in the end Karma finally caught up with the Gay Steelers and they lost one of those classic Gay Steelers games. I talked my shit to everybody I know from Pittsburgh and am somewhat content in my reveling in their misfortune. Fuck you Gay Steelers.