Hi I'm Gregg Easterfuck and I Know Nothing About Football

I just finished reading this week's Tuesday Morning Quarterback over at ESPN.com. Yes, I realize that it is Friday. But Easterbrook is completely incapable of 1.) making a point in less than 800 words and 2.) making any fucking sense whatsoever. What I really don't understand is why ESPN rehired this piece of shit after his anti semitic remarks. Granted, his political articles in the Atlantic Monthly prove that he has some intelligence and writing proficiency, Easterbrook doesn't know shit about shit when it comes to the No Fun League.

The very first point that Easterbrook makes is that the 2007 Patriots will only be considered the greatest only if the evidence shows that they didn't use the tapes to cheat. Sure Camera Gate happened and the Pats were caught stealing signals from the Jets. But that was the first fucking game of the season. And honestly, looking back, would New England really have lost that game? Definitely not.

Then Easterbrook poses the question whether or not the Pats still cheated during the season or if they will have cheated in the Super Bowl. Yeah, Easterbrook, I'm sure die Fuhrer Goodell isn't watching the Pats with an eagle eye after what happened in week one. This is the guy that would penalize his own son for trying to bang the head cheerleader of the high school team under the stands during practice. And I'm pretty sure Belichick isn't stupid enough to try twice. Especially when his teams won by a margin of about 3 touchdowns every game.

If that weren't enough stupidity for one article, Easterbrook goes on a morality rant for a paragraph. He tries to hammer home the issue of how supporting the Patriots teaches our children to cheat. Everyone who has played a contact sport in their lives knows that every play involves each player trying to push the limits of the rules and possibly breaking them without getting caught by the ref. We already tell our kids to cheat. Whether its getting some extra moisture on that baseball, nicking the leather with your nails, or tossing an elbow into a defender during a pick, sports are about straining the limits of fair play. Sure we have ideals that we stick to, but it's a part of every game. Furthermore, the Patriots embody the spirit of team more than any other organization in any sport. Sure, they have their individual stars, but during the season every player accepts their roles and plays to win for the team. Not for individual glory. And that should be respected. Obviously, Easterbrook, in his anti semitic rage, forgets to point this out.

And if that wasn't enough retarded banter for one Easterbrook article, he goes on to say that Belichick has a soft spot for the Giants and won't blow them out like he does other teams. Are you fucking kidding me Easterbrook? If Belichick has the opportunity to put 70 points on the board, trust me he's going to. He's a automaton. He stands there in his hooded sweatshirt and keeps calling 5 receiver sets out of the shotgun, and Brady keeps throwing it into the endzone. That's how he played the entire season, and that's how he's gonna play in the game that will galvanize his status as one of the best coaches ever along with Bill Walsh and Vince Lombardi. There's absolutely no way he's going to let a little sentimentality get in his way of immortality. That may be one of the most idiotic things any writer has written about a sports figure in the past decade. Honestly.

If you can honestly get through that iteration of Easterbrook's article and not be pissed at some point, then you are either 1.) a human being completely devoid of rational though or 2.) a Giants fan or 3.) both (because 2 is basically a subset of 1).