Sports always inspire us. Whether it is to go onto the driveway and shoot free throws until your arms fall off or run 5 miles a day to be like one of those Champions League midfielders, watching sports as kids gave us motivation. The only downside to this was that it motivated us to dress like our favorite stars too.
I remember begging my parents for one of those cool Starter jackets ages ago. You know, the pullover winter coats with the huge logo on the back. Kids would get mugged all over the country for those things. If I recall correctly, people would get stabbed for Raiders jackets. The problem with Starter jackets was that they were marketed as a winter coat. And everyone who has had one knows they don't do shit in the winter. Remember sledding and getting snow plowed into your coat? Or even slowly freezing to death at the bus stop? Yeah they were big and cost $100 1990 dollars, but the didn't do shit. You can buy a fleece for that much (or less if inflation is taken into account) now at North Face that'll keep you alive in worse conditions.
Hats have always been a big accessory to us sporty children. I can't even count how many hats I have or have had. In elementary school they were those cheap adjustable hats created by just about everyone. In middle school it was those same hats worn backwards. But in high school, well, there came the variety.
Almost everyone who wanted to be part of the growing hip hop universe sported the fitted cap backwards. Obviously all the tags and stickers were kept on there and the brim was incredibly flat. Was it me or were these hats always accompanied by some oversized shirt of some kind (Nautica or Tommy branded of course) and extremely baggy/sagging jeans?
The preppy kids (read: white) almost always had those adjustable white hats with the arching college logos. The most infamous one was the USC Gamecocks hat. What 10th grader wouldn't love to wear a hat that proclaims "Cocks" on the front in bold red lettering? But they couldn't be pristine white. To preserve the balance in the hat universe and counter the "just purchased" look of the hip hop clique, the preppies dirtied their hats and constructed ridiculous brims by either putting rubber band around them or stuffing them into cups. Usually these hats were accompanied by khaki pants and some sort of polo type shirt.
And how about those Umbro shorts? I remember kids wearing those things middle school with briefs. Totally gross. But, I mean, it was cool when the chicks did it. However, it was disconcerting that the only thing between you and the dude next you was a sheer piece of nylon. And what if a no reason boner reared its ugly head? That nylon was not going to cover it up at all. What were we thinking wearing those to school?
Then there were the Coed Naked shirts. These things were banned in my high school. If we were caught wearing them, we had to either take them off or cover them up. But with witty slogans like "Coed Naked Soccer: We get our kicks on the grass" or "Coed Naked Tennis: Its in, its out, its over" how could hormonally imbalanced teens resist? My all time favorite was definitely "Coed Naked Firefighting: Find 'em hot, leave 'em wet." Just incredible.
Finally, who could forget the Zubaz pants. My associate B-Rad recently purchased a pair of Browns Zubaz pants from a discount clothing store for me. It was an appreciated gift that I will one day wear to a Browns game in the dead of winter. With nothing else on underneath. Isn't that how you're supposed to rock the Zubaz pants? Anyway, for those of you not familiar with these classics, they are basically MC Hammer pants with tiger stripes on them that use your team's primary and secondary colors (ie the Browns had brown, orange, white, and black on them). I remember Deion Sanders stalking the Dallas sideline wearing these things. Hideous but awesome.
Stay tuned, next time I'm going to talk about current hideous sports fashion trends and the rules of wearing and purchasing MLB jersey shirts. Yes, the words Danny Tartabull and Mariah Carey Jordan jersey dress will be used in the same sentence.
I remember begging my parents for one of those cool Starter jackets ages ago. You know, the pullover winter coats with the huge logo on the back. Kids would get mugged all over the country for those things. If I recall correctly, people would get stabbed for Raiders jackets. The problem with Starter jackets was that they were marketed as a winter coat. And everyone who has had one knows they don't do shit in the winter. Remember sledding and getting snow plowed into your coat? Or even slowly freezing to death at the bus stop? Yeah they were big and cost $100 1990 dollars, but the didn't do shit. You can buy a fleece for that much (or less if inflation is taken into account) now at North Face that'll keep you alive in worse conditions.
Hats have always been a big accessory to us sporty children. I can't even count how many hats I have or have had. In elementary school they were those cheap adjustable hats created by just about everyone. In middle school it was those same hats worn backwards. But in high school, well, there came the variety.
Almost everyone who wanted to be part of the growing hip hop universe sported the fitted cap backwards. Obviously all the tags and stickers were kept on there and the brim was incredibly flat. Was it me or were these hats always accompanied by some oversized shirt of some kind (Nautica or Tommy branded of course) and extremely baggy/sagging jeans?
The preppy kids (read: white) almost always had those adjustable white hats with the arching college logos. The most infamous one was the USC Gamecocks hat. What 10th grader wouldn't love to wear a hat that proclaims "Cocks" on the front in bold red lettering? But they couldn't be pristine white. To preserve the balance in the hat universe and counter the "just purchased" look of the hip hop clique, the preppies dirtied their hats and constructed ridiculous brims by either putting rubber band around them or stuffing them into cups. Usually these hats were accompanied by khaki pants and some sort of polo type shirt.
And how about those Umbro shorts? I remember kids wearing those things middle school with briefs. Totally gross. But, I mean, it was cool when the chicks did it. However, it was disconcerting that the only thing between you and the dude next you was a sheer piece of nylon. And what if a no reason boner reared its ugly head? That nylon was not going to cover it up at all. What were we thinking wearing those to school?
Then there were the Coed Naked shirts. These things were banned in my high school. If we were caught wearing them, we had to either take them off or cover them up. But with witty slogans like "Coed Naked Soccer: We get our kicks on the grass" or "Coed Naked Tennis: Its in, its out, its over" how could hormonally imbalanced teens resist? My all time favorite was definitely "Coed Naked Firefighting: Find 'em hot, leave 'em wet." Just incredible.
Finally, who could forget the Zubaz pants. My associate B-Rad recently purchased a pair of Browns Zubaz pants from a discount clothing store for me. It was an appreciated gift that I will one day wear to a Browns game in the dead of winter. With nothing else on underneath. Isn't that how you're supposed to rock the Zubaz pants? Anyway, for those of you not familiar with these classics, they are basically MC Hammer pants with tiger stripes on them that use your team's primary and secondary colors (ie the Browns had brown, orange, white, and black on them). I remember Deion Sanders stalking the Dallas sideline wearing these things. Hideous but awesome.
Stay tuned, next time I'm going to talk about current hideous sports fashion trends and the rules of wearing and purchasing MLB jersey shirts. Yes, the words Danny Tartabull and Mariah Carey Jordan jersey dress will be used in the same sentence.
1 comment:
Zubaz pants are awesome. I wish the NFL would give Zubaz licensing again. I mean come on, the NFL whores itself out quite a bit can't we get Zubaz back?
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