100th Post: Postseason Predictions, Divisional Round

Ahhh, October is in the air. The weather is cooling down, football is in full swing, and the baseball playoffs are underway. The only bad thing about this season is that the girls stop wearing skirts in between now and November. However, Halloween slutiness still looms large! Anyway, on to the picks:

Cleveland and....oh yeah...fuck.

Chicago and Los Angeles

This is a tough series to pick. The Cubs have a great advantage in terms of pitching with Dempster, Zambrano, and Harden as opposed to the Dodgers' Lowe...uh...Lowe? To be completely honest I really can't name anyone besides Lowe off the top of my head right now. However, the Dodgers have Manny Ramirez, Jeff Kent, Rafael Furcal, and.....Andruw Jones. Their offense is explosive and Manny is usually an October beast. Couple that with the Cubs having a history of choking in big situations, and there is a Dodger win. Plus we have to consider Joe Torre's management skills and the fact that the Dodgers really have nothing to lose. They have no expectations coming from the shitfest NL West. The Cubs, however, have been media darlings all this year and barely held off the Brewers in their division.

Prediction: Dodgers in 4

Phillies and Brewers:

Wow, this is a tough series. I love the Brewers because they've been so bad for so long and are chock full of young talent. They got CC Sabathia in a midseason deal and he's pretty much carried them on his back to a wild card berth. They would have had a chance to make a deep run if Sheets weren't on the DL. They still have a pretty balanced pitching staff with Solomon Torres at the back end. Their offense is also pretty solid throughout with Prince Fielder, Bill Hall, Corey Hart, and Ryan Braun. However, I don't think they'll be able to match the Phillies in a 5 game series. The Phillies have a better starting rotation with Hamels, Myers, and Moyer (yeah I said it). Their offense is also pretty potent with Rollins, Howard, and MVP Chase Utley. Its tought not to like the Phillies in this posteason, much less this series. Plus they really fucked the Mets again this year, which is always a plus in my book.

Prediction: Phillies in 4. The Brewers will get a CC win.

Chicago (Fags) and Devil Rays.

Fuck the White Sox, thats why. I've stuck with the Rays since February. No reason to stop now.

Prediction: Devil Rays in 3.

Los Angeles of Anaheim and Boston

This is the toughest series for me to predict. I mean the Angels won 100 games but they haven't been tested really all season. Their division has been a joke the past few years. The Red Sox managed to get into the playoffs from the AL East despite trading Manny and battling (steroid related) injuries all season. I really want to pick the Angels here based on pure statistical reason, but I'm going to go with the Red Sox. They have the pedigree and they beat this same team (sans Torii Hunter) last year. The only real question the Red Sox face is their starting rotation. Does Paul Byrd have enough magic to beat another potent lineup? I'm giving the Teixiera/Hunter version of the Angels full respect here but...

Prediction: Red Sox in 5.

Well those are my divisional picks this postseason. I mean it's worthless for me to engage in an in-depth analysis of potential matchups because all these picks could be wrong (doubt it). I'll do a Championship Series prediction when that bridge needs to be crossed (assuming I have any credibility left). However, I will make further predictions right now for the rest of the postseason:

NLCS: Phillies over Dodgers in 6.

ALCS: Rays over Red Sox in 7.

World Series: Rays over Phillies in 5.

Yes, I am predicting the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays as 2008 Fall Classic champions. If I'm wrong, who cares? If I'm right, I'm a fucking genius.

The First Quarter

So after four weeks I am more perplexed by the NFL than ever. Without Tom Brady and Peyton Manning (I don't recognize the current Colts quarterback as the true Peyton Manning) the NFL is wide open. No team has truly separated themselves, and when the Chiefs beat the Broncos, Redskins beat the Cowboys, and Jets put up 50 plus points after getting rocked by San Diego the old adage that on any given Sunday any team can beat another has never been more true.

AFC EAST

Happily, I believe the Bills are for real. Pundits love to point out that the Bills' opponents have won four games thus far this season. However, a team that experts love, the Titans, have played three of their four games at home, and their opponents have won an aggregate of three games this season. I'm not saying the Titans are bad, but I'm not sold just yet.

The Bills are for real, not only because they are a pretty good team, but because their schedule dictates that they will be at worst 10-6. The Bills still get to play the Cardinals, 49ers, Chiefs, Jets twice, Dolphins twice, Patriots twice, Chargers, Browns, and Broncos. Considering they only have to go .500 to finish 10-6 they will be tough to keep out of the playoffs, and have a legitimate shot at finishing much much better.

As for the rest of the AFC east, a Wild Card team will come out of the AFC East. The second game between the Jets and Patriots will be huge.

AFC NORTH

This division is definitely still up for grabs. The Steelers have one running back on their roster right now and still have one of the roughest schedules ever. The good news for the Steelers, is though the Ravens are frisky, no other team in the division looks to challenge them. I still have some faith in the Browns, but they need to insert Brady Quinn as quarterback ASAP. The NFL has officially figured out Derrick Anderson. Quinn could be just the shot of adrenaline that the Browns need to get back into contention.

AFC SOUTH

My 10-6 Texans prediction looks pretty bad now, but the Texans have exclusively played on the road. They play exclusively in Houston for the next month and could string some wins together. Andre Johnson, who is killing my fantasy teams, is better than this. The Texans may not reach my 10-6 predicted mark, but they are better than their current record. My Colts prediction is looking pretty solid though. Granted, when Peyton Manning comes back they might get things back together, but by that time things might be too late.

AFC WEST

I feel bad for Lane Kiffin. The Raiders are legitimately a couple of plays away from 3-1. Perhaps the firing will bring some stability to the organization, but it was Ryan's defensive unit that collapsed two weeks in a row in the fourth quarter against the Bills and Chargers, not Kiffin's offense. The Chargers are difficult to figure out. They are much more consistent than I thought they would be, but they have the talent to beat any team. I hate the Broncos, I hate the way they play, or refuse to play defense. That kind of nonsense catches up to teams, and hopefully it will the Broncos.

NFC EAST

Sure I predicted that three teams from the NFC East would make the playoffs, but the one team I thought wouldn't make it because of a Super Bowl hangover is the only undefeated team in the NFC. That stat, however, is a little misleading. The Giants beat a Redskins team that was much different than the team that upended the Cowboys, the Bengals, and the Rams. Nothing exactly to write home about. Its still a long season for the G-Men. The Cowboys should be undefeated. The talent the Cowboys have is borderline ridiculous, and when that talent does not translate to wins, as it did against the Redskins then coaching is to blame. I know Tony Romo has a pass play and a run play to choose from every time he goes under center, but it was inexcusable for the Cowboys to abandon the running game. Especially when their best offensive player is Marion Barber, not Terrell Owens.

NFC NORTH

The big surprise here is the Bears are much better than I thought they would be. Kyle Orton hasn't been that bad, and the Bears defense is still one of the best in the league. The Vikings may have started slow, but I still think they can take the division, especially where the Lions just recently rejoined the league after the firing of Matt Millen (check this hilarious song out http://www.heavy.com/video/58983), and Aaron Rodgers seems like he might be coming back down to earth a little bit.

NFC SOUTH

The NFC South realignment streak of last to first may finally come to an end. The Bucs defense has been revitalized and Brian Griese has been solid. The Falcons have been better than advertised though. By beating the Lions and the Chiefs they have thus far displayed that they are the best of the crappy teams.

NFC WEST

The worst division of all time might get a little better with the return of Deion Branch and eventually Bobby Engram to the Seahawks. The winner in this division might finish 7-9. Explaining to the fans of the team that finishes last in the NFC East, with undoubtedly a better record than the NFC West's division winner, that they are not in the playoffs will be difficult.

What I Learned This Past Weekend...

I am a baseball genius.

Ok, not quite. However, I did predict that the Rays would win the East and the Red Sox would take the wild card. That more than counters the blatant homerism of my Indians pick (however they ended the season at .500 and give me hope for next year). Also in my favor was the, now annual, Phillies NL East championship at the expense of the Mets. And the Brewers made the playoffs. So, all in all, I know my baseball.

Speaking of which, I'd like to congratulate the New York Mets for another great late season meltdown. It is incredible how this can happen to one team two years in a row. Last year it could be excused by claiming that the Mets were young and inexperienced in those situations. That argument barely holds any water because of the vetern presence the Mets have. This year, there is really no excuse.

The team added Cy Young pitcher Johan Santana (who, by the way, pitched a hell of a game to keep the Mets in the race this past weekend) but still ended up in the same place as last year. The only logical conclusion is that the team is filled with a bunch of talented players who don't know how to win. There is a losing culture on the Mets and the only ways to relieve that is to 1) get a manager with some balls and 2) somehow find a back end to that bullpen.

And what another exciting finish to the season. Last year we had the Rockies win a ridiculous amount of games in September and August to force a playoff and win the division. This year we have the White Sox and Twins tied at the top of the AL Central. The White Sox play the Tiggies in a makeup game tonight and, if they win, they get to play the Twins tomorrow in a one game playoff. Exciting stuff!

The Browns are fucked.

The Browns beat the Bengals yesterday in, what will probably be, the shittiest game of the season. It was terribly executed by both teams and the Bengals probably would have won if Carson Palmer were playing. But those points are besides the point. This game was the worst case scenario for the Browns because Derek Anderson stayed in the game and the won. He did just enough to secure his starting job for another week but really didn't allay any fears of his shitiness. His accuracy was terrible, threw an interception, and only managed to lead the team to 20 points on one of the worst defenses in the league. Romeo kept giving him chances to succeed when any other coach (ahem, Bill Cowher) would probably have yanked his ass after the first half in favor of Brady Quinn.

Lets face it, Derek Anderson is a bust. He fell apart in the last few games of the season when teams started paying attention to the Browns and figured out that he stares down receivers and has terrible throwing accuracy. But now he played just well enough to guarantee shittiness for another two weeks. It might have been better if he completely tanked and Quinn was put in before the bye week so he could have extra prep time and snaps before the Giants lay a beating on the Browns in two Mondays. But now Anderson will get eaten up by the Giants and Romeo will be forced to play Quinn without the benefit of a bye week and just in time to get gang raped by the Giants defensive line. Not to mention that the schedule from now on is dead man walking.

Like I said, fucked.

Sarah Palin is about 1/10 as smart as I had initially projected.

I apologize for having to imbue this sports blog with politics, but this is just too good. If anyone can read this excerpt from her interview with Katie Couric and understand what the fuck this lady is saying, you are either 1) way smarter than me or 2) paradoxically, just as retarded as Governor Palin:

COURIC: Why isn't it better, Governor Palin, to spend $700 billion helping middle-class families who are struggling with health care, housing, gas and groceries; allow them to spend more and put more money into the economy instead of helping these big financial institutions that played a role in creating this mess?

PALIN: That's why I say I, like every American I'm speaking with, were ill about this position that we have been put in where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health-care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy, helping the—it's got to be all about job creation, too, shoring up our economy and putting it back on the right track. So health-care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions and tax relief for Americans. And trade, we've got to see trade as opportunity, not as a competitive, scary thing. But one in five jobs being created in the trade sector today, we've got to look at that as more opportunity. All those things under the umbrella of job creation. This bailout is a part of that.

I Can Deal If My Team Sucks

But, for the love of existence, let my teams be smart.  I absolutely cannot deal with the fact that the Cleveland Browns of 2008 are possibly the worst coached and dumbest team to ever put on uniforms.  Granted, it  has only been two weeks and they played two pretty good teams.  And these excuses would probably hold water if the team lacked any talent whatsoever.  However, they have talent.  The think they are lacking is brains.

Contrary to popular belief, and, well, how the Browns are playing, a lot of thought goes into playing football.  The teams watch film sessions and coaches try to dissect their upcoming opponents in order to gain any sort of advantage.  Apparently the Browns missed that memo. Every possession begins with running the ball off tackle with Jamal Lewis.  That wouldn't be a a bad idea if you were the 2002 Baltimore Ravens.  But seriously, how about a fucking pass once in awhile on first down.  You know, to keep the defense on its toes.  Seriously, the Steelers pretty much bought Polamalu into the box every first down to take down Lewis.  Horrible.

I mean seriously, this was a must win game.  Now the Browns are down by 2 games to the Steelers in the division and have lost the tiebreaker with a home loss.  Great way to start the season when you have one of the tougher schedules in the league.  What really irks me is that about two players showed up on Monday night: Kellen Winslow and Shaun Rogers.  The offensive line did pretty well too, but who gives them credit ever?  Everyone else just sat around and expected to win, or something.  The last time I checked, you have to try to win games in the NFL.  Not just expect winning to happen because you are an overhyped team with way too many prime time games.

And how about that Romeo Crennell?  His clock management was incredible.  Not only did he mess up the end of the second half with a chance to score, he burned three timeouts in the fourth quarter after going for a field goal while down by 7 with 3 minutes to go.  Hey dickhead, you are playing your divisional rival in a must win game.  You don't go for a fucking field goal down by 7 when you are on their 25 yard line.  Besides showing a complete lack of balls, the Browns displayed a softness that doesn't belong in the AFC North.  What are we, the Bengals?

One last thing.  Before Romeo called for the field goal on 4th down, he ran the ball TWICE on first and second down.  This after moving the ball through the air with no resistance from the Pittsburgh secondary.  Way to play to win Romeo.  If you couldn't count, a field goal doesn't do much for you because you were still down by 4 with 3 minutes to go in the game.  

If Romeo went for the 1st down on 4th, whats the worst that could have happened?  The Steelers would have gained possession at their 25 and the Browns would have had 3 timeouts.  This is enough time to play defense and get back into the red zone to give yourself a chance to score.  Instead we kicked a USELESS field goal and got the ball back with 30 seconds left and no timeouts.  Great job dickheads.

2008 NFL Predictions

Last year at this time I assailed the safe predicting national press pundits for their ridiculous faith in last year's results. The fact is, the only real consistent thing about the NFL is change. Sure, teams like the Colts and Patriots have been on an impressive run in playoff appearances, but they are certainly the aberration. My favorite stats regarding the NFL schedule from 2002-2007:

- An average of three teams that finished last place the previous year will make the playoffs. Last year there were only two, the Washington Redskins and Tampa Bay Buccaneeers. The Cleveland Browns were very close, finishing 10-6, but being edged out by the Titans.

This stat is constantly overlooked. ESPN recently had their experts predict the season with nary a last place team being predicted for the playoffs.

So here is how I see it:

AFC EAST
*Patriots 11-5
*Bills 10-6
Jets 9-7
Dolphins 6-10

- The Jets and Bills could really be flip flopped and their two games are going to be huge in the AFC playoff race. I see the Bills, Jets, and Dolphins win totals leaping this year not only because of pre-season acquisitions by all three clubs, but the drastic change in schedule. Last season all three teams got worked by the NFC East. This year their four NFC games are against the much more palatable NFC West.

AFC NORTH
*Browns 8-8
Steelers 7-9
Bengals 6-10
Ravents 4-12

The Browns and Steelers could really switch spots, but the Bengals and Ravens really have no hope. The Bengals will definitley be fun to watch, but I don't see them winning more 38-35 games than they lose.

AFC SOUTH
*Jaguars 12-4
*Texans 10-6
Colts 8-8
Titans 7-9

I see the Colts reign as AFC South champs coming to an end. Its not just about Peyton's possible bum knee, but the ability of the other teams in the AFC South to catch up with the Colts. All three teams are capable of splitting with the Colts as they have created their roster to counteract the Colts attack.

AFC WEST
* Chargers 11-5
Raiders 7-9
Broncos 7-9
Chiefs 4-12

The Chargers are still too good for this division. I do see the Raiders making improvement.

NFC EAST
*Cowboys 12-4
*Redskins 11-5
* Eagles 10-6
Giants 8-8

The best division in football no doubt about it. I feel bad calling out the Super Bowl champions as not making the playoffs, but I think the Giants defense has just been decimated. Half the starters from last year's amazing unit are gone.

NFC NORTH
*Vikings 10-6
Packers 7-9
Bears 5-11
Lions 4-12

The Vikings remind me a lot of the Ravens from their defensive runs BUT with Adrian Peterson. If Peterson can stay healthy and Jackson does not lose games for them then the Vikings could finish with the best record on football. I am doubtful that both of those things will happen, but still see the Vikes as the best team in the division.

NFC South
* Falcons 9-7
Buccaneers 8-8
Saints 8-8
Panthers 7-9

My favorite statistical stat since the realignment: The last place team from the previous year finishes first place the following season in the NFC South. It was extremely difficult to crunch the numbers in favor of the Falcons, but who am I to argue with such an impressive pattern. Plus, its not like the rest of the NFC South is world beaters. Who knows, maybe Matt Ryan will blow up, and I do like Michael Turner.

NFC West
* Cardinals 10-6
Seahawks 9-7
Rams 3-13
49ers 3-13

Every year people pick the Cardinals to usurp NFC West power over the Seahawks, and I will fall into that trap again this year. The Cards just have too many weapons, especially being helmed by Kurt Warner. Plus the defense isn't that bad either. The Seahawks on the other hand, are dealing with excessive injuries, Mike Holmgren's incoming retirement, and no real running back.

So that makes 7 new playoff teams by my count. Looking forward to Thursday.

A Look Back At My Predictions for the Lost Baseball Season

Well, the Indians suck. I mean, they are in the midst of a 7 game win streak and Grady Sizemore became just the 14th American League player and first Indians' player since Joe Carter to hit 30 home runs and steal 30 bases in a single season. Furthermore, Cliff Lee is on his way to returning the Cy Young for a second straight season to Cleveland. Alright, enough looking at the bright spots of the Indians season, lets look at how my predictions panned out. The bold passages indicate the predictions I made on this blog last February.

The Cleveland Indians are the team to beat this season in all of baseball.

Well, that was obviously wrong. The White Sox have had a great pitching staff this year and their offense has come alive after dying last season. The Twins have managed admirably without their perennial all stars Johan Santana and Torii Hunter. In fact, they are at the top of the division and have done it for the most part without Liriano. He's returned to the rotation and looks to be in good form.

However I was right about one thing: The Tigers are afflicted with Mets syndrome. The more money they spend and big name players they get, the worse they perform. Its a sad thing but the Tigers will probably end up losing 110 games this year due to the "star power" they attained in the offseason.

Now, the Tiggies aren't going to lose 110 games (they were on pace, in May) but they are easily the most disappointing team in baseball right now. At the beginning of the season I just didn't think that they could mesh all that offense and at the same time make up for their lack of a bullpen. The result is that they were getting blown out late in games early in the season. The injury to Curtis Granderson didn't help either.

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays will rise to the top of the East with 94 wins this season due to an influx of excellent young pitching and position players.

Wow. Probably the prediction of the year. The Devil Rays were becoming that team that just had too much all around talent to be bad forever. Their offense had Carl Crawford, Justin Upton, and Evan Longoria. The amazing thing is that they just came off their best roadtrip after losing Crawford and Longoria to injuries. Also, the trade for Matt Garza has paid off because he's been a solid piece of that rotation in the second half.

I also predicted that the Red Sox would get the Wild Card berth because the rest of the division was weak. Well, looks like thats well on the way to happening. The Yankees don't have the arms to compete this late in the season. Mussina is their only consistent starter and they lost Wang to injury. Hughes and Kennedy have been busts this season just as I had predicted and their offense is woefully mediocre due to age and complacency.

The Angels will win the West.

Yeah, whatever. Someone who hasn't watched baseball in about 7 years could have made that call.

Anyway the Mets Syndrome will strike again. They'll overpay for another superstar and somehow manage to get worse. Santana will get the Mets to be within minutes of reaching the playoffs instead of hours. But in the end the Phillies with superman Jimmy Rollins will prevail because thats what they do. Entice their fans with an exciting late run and flop in the playoffs.

Well this wasn't that bad of a call. As of now, the Phillies are about 0.5 games back of the Mets at the top of the divison. However, the Mets didn't really get any better by adding Santana. They managed to only maintain the status quo. All while firing their manager mid-season and getting a mediocre year from Jose Reyes. I guess this prediction is the most TBD of the bunch.

On to the NL Central....

Oh yeah, the Brewers. They are my pick. They just have too much pedigree in Prince Fielder and Tony Gwynn Jr. to be bad. Throw in some Rickie Weeks and decent starting pitching and welcome to October!

Obviously this pick was bolstered by the unpredictable additions of C.C. Sabathia in a trade with the Indians. However, my reasoning for picking the Brewers to make the playoffs, is still intact. They have great young offensive talent and true ace in Ben Sheets. The rest of their rotation was sold throughout and they had a legitimate closer. I really thought this division was going to be weak, but the Cardinals and the Cubs really proved me wrong. The Cubs will probably go on to win the division because of their 5 game lead going into September. But of the Brewers hang on and take the wild card from the Phillies/Mets, then watch out in October.

What did I say about the NL West?

Picking a team to win this division is like trying to pick the prettiest chick from a group of beat up uglies. So I guess I'll go with the Diamondbacks. They had a negative run differential last year but still managed to put up 90 wins.

Well, at least the ugliness prediction turned out to be right here. This division is full of 80 win teams and its relatively close this late in the season. The Diamondbacks are on top right now as predicted, but lead the Dodgers by only 3 games. I knew the Rockies were a fluke because no team can logically win 30 games in a row, or whatever they did. And it looks like the Padres fly ball graveyard of a ballpark really killed them this season. No offense means no wins. And the Padres have very few of both (49 wins as of the end of August).

Interestingly I made some good predictions with the Brewers, Diamondbacks, and Devil Rays. However, the one division I really messed up was my own. I'm not sure anyone saw the Indians crashing as badly as they did. But I will admit that adamant homerism really played a role in botching that one up. Regardless, I probably would have never picked the Twins or White Sox to win that division. Plus, my inkling about the Tigers proved to be correct.

Well, lets see how the rest of the season plays out. Hopefully my picks can provide some vindication for me in an otherwise lost baseball season.

My Love For the Olympics is Tapered by My Hate for Bob Costas

I love the Olympics. For more reasons than I can articulate, really. I like the international competition that takes me back to the old days as a child rooting for the "good" United States and against the "evil" USSR. Elementary indoctrination will do that to a kid. Anyway, I still love the Games even though the USSR isn't around anymore and it has become apparent that everyone used steroids in the past. However, NBC really did a shitty job in one department - the broadcast team. And when I say broadcast team, I overwhelmingly mean Bob Costas.

Now, I'm not sure if this is some sort of cultural divide between the eastern United States and the rest, but a majority of my midwest friends can't seem to stand Costas. While the east coasters actually like the diminutive fellow. I can't stand him.

Is it his know it all attitude? Possibly. But I really don't mind Alex Trebek. And he even answers the questions like everyone should know the answers. What a dick.

Is it his voice? Not really. I mean he has a great voice for broadcast television. It is soothing on the ears and he speaks pretty well.

Then what the hell is wrong with Costas, you ask? He fucking loves to hear himself talk. And he loves to use rhetorical questions to con the viewing public into believing that he has some sort of magical insight.

I can name a few situations where my hatred for Costas stems from.

During the opening ceremonies of the 2002 Winter Games, there was a "Moment of Silence" as the flag for the World Trade Center site was marched into the stadium. Now, I am self admittedly not the most patriotic person in the world, but this was an emotional moment for the United States and should have garnered the respect of all. However, Costas, who apparently is above respecting the fallen, talked incessantly through the moment of silence. He couldn't go 60 seconds without hearing himself talk on national television? Did he really think we all forgot what happened on September 11, 2001 a year on?

That right there really epitomized Costas to me. He can't let the moment sink in as an announcer. He has to speak every time he gets the chance in order to tell all the drones in TV land how to think and react. How about leaving the moment as is so that we can take it in? That's probably a more effective method of broadcasting than continuously talking over the images on the screen.

During the Opening Ceremonies of this years Summer Games, you couldn't hear shit from the proceedings because Costas wouldn't shut up. The Ceremonies were beautifully produced but the only thing that came through the NBC feed was Costas and his cohorts talking throughout the entire presentation. How about letting the art speak for itself? No, it can't. Obviously the American public is too dumb to know what to think or how to feel and need Bob Costas as an interpreter for our collective conscious.

He offers nothing but facts that anyone can get by doing some online research. And the sad part about it is that some bright kid from an Ivy League school has to waste his summer and mind doing Costas' bullshit work for him. He doesn't offer anything in the way of useful insight because 1.) he talks for the sake of talking and 2.) he doesn't elicit anything from his fellow commentators. Jon Miller knows how to work Joe Morgan (who I also despise) to get some useful insight into baseball history and in game strategy. Marv Albert can use Hubie Brown (who loves to talk because he loves the game) or whoever else to make the game more accessible to the viewer.

Costas does nothing. He's a drone that repeatedly uses the same sports cliches and recites things as they happen on screen as if the viewer were blind. On top of that, he makes terrible jokes that are borderline condescending during his awful "Football Night in America." If Collinsworth weren't on that show, it would be the worst football program ever.

So thanks NBC, for putting a glamorized human interest story reporter at the forefront of the world's greatest sporting event. Hopefully we'll get to hear some more of his personal sagas such as his love for Mickey Mantle, or his hatred for the wild card in baseball. Because what Bob Costas thinks is important and should matter to the rest of the world. He's does us such a favor by allowing us to watch sports without thinking or articulating a single thought on our own.