Ok. I hate Terrell Owens and his alter ego TO. He's an amazing football talent with the perfect combination of speed and size at his position. But his antics off the field are absolutely retarded. But his celebrations are hilarious (especially the one where Roy Williams decked his ass in Dallas). Seriously, I watched the Dallas-Miami game this past weekend and got a chuckle out of his touchdown celebration mocking the Patriots and using the ball as a video camera. In fact, I thought it was fucking hilarious.
Then I wake up Monday morning and find out that Owens was fined $7,500 for "using the ball as a prop." What a load of shit. If the NFL wants to fine Owens, at least give us the true reason such as "expressing one's self in a manner that rocks the establishment" or some other fascist rule Goodell wants to create. With this line of reasoning the NFL should have fined Chad Johnson for diving into the Dawg Pound because it failed to conform to the norms of expected NFL behavior. Or some other bullshit. Fucking grow a sense of humor Goodell. Or eat a dick. Either option is fine with me.
The point is, this is a vast conspiracy by the NFL to sell more beer at their games. They know that Americans will never stop watching football. But they decided that the games were too fun to attend in person. Crazy touchdown celebrations and players acting like little children got the fans out of their seats and gave them something to look forward to. Now you have to down about 10 beers (at about $6.00 a pop) to get into this shit.
The No Fun League is right. Neo-Fascist League sounds better. Soon you'll have to wear business casual to attend games and the NFL Network is going to secure all the must watch match ups. Maybe NFL teams will have to March out of the tunnel in alphabetical order in the type of strict march previously seen in grainy videos of Soviet troops in the 80s. And every pee wee league will be scrutinized and 10 year old wideouts will be fined a post game Hi-C and orange slice for excessive celebration.
Let TO and Chad Johnson live. And bring back Tagliabue.
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